I Don't Like Observations

I wasn't able to post anything since last week.
But I am not like other bloggers who make alibis as to why they were dry for a period.

I really do not believe formal observations. I am a very big fan of it, because what you would do is to just bullshit the person who is doing the observation in class. Also, the students know that you are also bullshitting them, for they know what you really are in ordinary days.
I will be observed in my best class, but thankfully, that class has the most passive students. But I trust them, what I do not trust is myself. The topic that I am going to discuss is research and god help me with that topic because of course, the students do not know anything about it. And how am I supposed to include religion content in research? I am stressed out just by thinking about it, and to think that it would still be next week. Still, I am stressed out of my wits. I can deliver any topic, but research? Fuck, that's the first time I'll teach it. And I am going to teach it first thing in the morning. How, unfortunate can that be? Just pure shit.
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It's not like my salary will increase if I did it well. It turned out good the last time I did it, but I am not in anyway enthusiastic about it right now.
I don't like the idea of other people nosing around my classroom and commenting on how I teach. It helps me in some ways, as it makes me see the things that I am doing incorrectly, but for me, observation is like an implicit way of saying to the teacher that you do not trust him/her, why hire the teacher in the first place?

What stresses me the most is including religion content bullshit in my lesson. Seriously, it bores the students to death. I just hate shoving religion down my students' throats, I was able to do it before, but I do not want to repeat it, especially when I am very ambivalent when it comes to religion. Especially Catholicism.

Anyway, it's already there. I just have to get bored with it.