Another Colleagues Rant

I am very much disappointed that we only have a week’s worth of sembreak. I just want to have that long and refreshing break that would make me actually go back to school again. I just don’t want to think of any school-related thing now even as I am planning to check my students’ outputs. My students are my source of strength. What I cannot stand is my colleagues’ presence. I dread it every second. I feel like I am a slave to their caprices. It was much made bigger by the misfortunes I had last term. I have been much distressed since then. And their looming anger at my every step scares me. It’s already been five months now since I first stepped into the halls of this new school, and I feel as if I am still not grounded. That I am still the outsider, the odd one out in our team. I always felt that my stay with them will be transient. And that come January, I would have to scout again for new schools to apply to. If that’s the case then, my plan of action is to get the necessary documents for my MA and to apply to a state university as what I was previously planning.

I just hate one of my colleagues sometimes, she is the only one I know of who has a boyfriend but it overly smug and rude. If only our students could truly see here as she really is. I do not think they would have a crush on her. I always think that this bitterness towards me is caused by what I can see as her being threatened by my presence in the department. If only she could realize that I have no plans of snatching her throne from her. What I only want to do is to teach and not to strive to please anyone. But then, it is badly needed for my being rehired next year. If only I could fast forward the two years so that I could already be a tenured teacher, I would do so, just so a big burden will already be taken away from me. 

The True Me

I very much wanted my students to appreciate me the same way I do. But then, given our limited contact, it would be virtually impossible to have even one meeting where we are just going to joke around. Their vitality and their joys give life to my otherwise mundane existence. They give me hope and confidence in myself. Their joys give me strength, their life give me life. And I love them for it. If only they would know how I really appreciate each of them and that the façade I have shown them in our very first meeting is just that, a façade. And that behind it is a soul that craves for life and freedom as much as they do. Then it would be my happiness. I would remember not the scores they got in the requirements I have them but their happiness, their innocence, their child-like wonder at the world. And now they made me fully realize that my purpose in the next years of my life is to take care of them, to guide them and to encourage them no matter how small our age gap may be. They made me feel that I am doing something right in my life and that I made the right decision in choosing not only as my profession but also my life.

It may sound so corny to my rational mind, but then seeing them laugh inside and outside of my classroom are the things I treasure most in my heart. It’s their life which gives me life, it’s their laughter that makes me laugh it’s their naïveté and native intelligence that  tell me that not all is lost. I don’t want to grow indifferent to them to answer their harmless inquiries with sarcasm that most of my colleagues have used to them. I would, in all my capabilities answer them sensibly, treat them maturely and to make them feel that they have a sister in me, if not a parent (because hey, I am just seven years older).

If only I could touch their lives the same way my teachers did to me when I was a student myself, then I would be happy. If only I could influence them to become teachers themselves, given their family backgrounds, I’m pretty sure that none would do so. So with that, I’ll just be here, waiting for them to grow up and realize their dreams, hoping that I may have, even infinitesimally, contributed to their well-being.

It is often said that teaching is the noblest profession and I would have to thank my students this ring in me so true.

Colleagues Rant

As for my work, well, I really do enjoy teaching. It’s the other aspects which really make me tired. I’ve always felt that I can never really trust someone. There’s no connection, really with my colleagues. I feel as if my every move is being watched as much as I want to have a quiet existence. I really am looking forward for the term exams, as I would really have time for myself. Or rather, I would have much time to do paperworks. I miss not talking with people and not have everybody have a say as to how I am going to do my work. I miss not having another eye inside my classroom. I just miss being me in the classroom. I miss not consulting with every other goddamned thing in my fucking class because it’s my fucking class. It’s my lesson. Leave me the fuck alone.

I am not physically tired. I am psychologically fed up with my set-up. I hate this. I just hate it. I’ve become their mouthpiece, really. 

Sometimes, I wish I would just disappear. Or I would wake up one day without the pressure of living. Just me and my existence.  Talking with these fucking people just drains me. Goddamnit, can you just let me do my job?

I Am Not Going to Crack

So I decided to actually write something. Just like what I was already ranting about, I just don’t get my colleagues. How I really wish this year would already end. I don’t care whether I get another year of contract with them or not but I just want this year to be done and over with. It’s just so unbearable, this stress. I have realized in the three years of my career that I really work best alone. 

I am just so happy that I am very much resilient that I am not yet on my knees crying. God, that is something which I am really proud of here in my new school. They say that it’s really difficult being here but truly, they haven’t been where I have been. I am sort of glad that I’ve had that brutal training in my previous school that I can say that being here in my new school isn’t really much of a whirlwind.

That is why I am really looking forward for this year to end. I am just fed up with them. So much mingling. My head is not in the right space this time. They are caring much of my trouble really. They contribute and make things complicated. I’ve always wondered hoe they are going to manage if we reverse the situation. I would very much like them to crack. Never have I felt that I was part of the group. I was the odd one out. They isolate me yet expect me to mingle with them. I just don’t get them. If ever I don’t get my contract extended for another year, I would actually just be very fine with it. 

Though I do not want to leave this school with the reason that I got fired. No, and that thought is the only thing that is keeping me through and for acting to keep my shit together. I will not break. I will not bow down. I will get through this and emerge successful. I will have my revenge and I will have my time. They will be put in their places. I will have a renewed contract next year and I will prove to them that I am much better than they thought. I will be in my element and I will be the best because I am. 

I will never be bogged down by these people who knew nothing of love and professionalism which make me miss my former school. Yes, the work load is shit and the pay is even shittier, but at least my colleagues, especially my team-mates in the second year have made everything bearable.  I just can’t stand my colleagues here. They’re very foul.

Happy with where I am now

I feel like I’ll be retiring in my new school now. I can actually foresee growing old teaching there. Wow. What a very nice vision. I hope it would happen. But before that, I have to be a permanent teacher first. But that would only be approximately 2-3 years from now which I think is not that long. I mean, compare that to the four years of my former school. I truly hope that would happen. And I would make that happen.

I have all the positivity right now.

I just love my new school.

Victory is the Sweetest Revenge

As I was scrolling through my news feed in Facebook, I noticed that I am not anymore a member of the online group of the faculty members of my previous school. It was a closed group, so it would be impossible for me to find that group unless I was invited.

I gave that school two years of my life, you know.

Me being “expelled” from that group left an aftertaste. It was so immature. I have always been a lurker in that group, and yet they would even notice that I was still there. I am inclined to believe that they took me out not only because I am not an actual member of the faculty anymore, but they resent me. They resent me because they know I am in a much better place than they are. I couldn’t think of any more valid reasons.

Well, sucks to be the gay person who administers that group.

I consider it to be the last insult to me.

However, I will make sure that I will prove myself in my new school and slap them in the face with my success. My being hired by a well-known Catholic school for boys is only the beginning, seeing as I am being monitored by them through another former faculty who also happened to be my colleague in my new school,  I will prove to them that I will shine and I will be deemed respected by my new home. Something that they failed to do in my stay there.

Victory is the sweetest revenge.

Victory is my sweetest revenge.

Happy and Contented

I am officially happy with where I am right now.

I have fewer teaching load with better pay, and my new colleagues couldn’t be much warmer. I have easily assimilated to how they do their work there. And I could say that their very positive attitude reflects how their workload is just a breeze. 

It is something that I haven’t experienced in my former school. Though I have yet to gauge the students in this new school, I can officially say that I am contented. I may have some reservations and fears of the English teachers being in my class during my period, but in general, I am happy. 

I love my new school.

For the longest time, I am now officially happy. I am now officially contented with what I have right now. The only thing remaining for me to do is to prove myself to them, that I am worthy of the teaching post I have right now.

I am going to do it right, and I am going to do it perfectly.

The politeobserver will not be in a not-so-indefinite-hiatus anymore

With the sudden turn of events like me being hired in a Catholic school once more, I will have to return to posting in this blog.

The original plan was for me to open another one should it happen that I get hired in the state university where I sent my application and my misadventures be recorded in a cheerier and looser manner in a way that I actually have to be more open as to who I really am and what I really do. However, since it didn’t happen, then I should continue writing in here to of course, protect myself and my students.

I am hoping that even if I am still teaching in a Catholic school, my experiences would be a lot memorable and happier.

Rest assured that the flow of new posts will continue, as the politeobserver is not anymore on a hiatus.

Keep thinking, be curious, continue the wonder.

I Was Again Rejected

I watched that certain documentary about teachers and social workers who still actually teach street children even if they weren’t given any pay. I do not know if I should feel ashamed of myself, but I certainly feel admiration towards them. Here I am wallowing that a certain school which gives almost double of what I was receiving in my former school didn’t give me a call, yet there were teachers who actually receive nothing. I just have too much respect towards them. I will never have the patience, nay, motivation to teach 32 kids knowing that I won’t receive anything come 15th and 30th. That certain documentary made me think and reassess where I am right now.

To those of you here who have been following this blog, I resigned from my previous teaching post because of the salary and lack of academic freedom. I actually already gave my applications to different schools and two called back. One is an established, albeit, Catholic school and the other one is a university funded by the government, thus, a state university. From what I heard from my colleague, the pay in the Catholic school is more or less $500 a month which is way better from the measly $300 we were making in my previous school. $500 in my country is already good considering our profession. But as I was making my assessment of the school, sure, the pay is better, but why is the pay better? I thought that maybe because the amount of work is more toxic than what I left in my previous school. And also, I was just sick and tired of checking quizzes, seatworks, projects, crafting lesson plans and fulfilling my responsibilities as a school paper adviser. Add to that the stress that everyday teaching and dealing with all-boys sections was putting on to me. I know myself. Yes, I can handle these students, hell, they even run away to go their classroom once they heard me or saw me. But it was just too much. And to top it all, once you go to the teachers’ room, you will have to deal with bully tenured teachers who were so egoistic but never really got anything in their teaching and classroom management arsenal. Their only saving grace was their length of service.  Obviously, the pay that I might get from the state university will of course be lower but compared to my previous teaching post, it’s still better. Add to that the academic freedom and the maturity of students will be all the more tempting. Anyway, my head and the academic head were in consensus that I was good, but the content of my lessons and the way I deliver it is just way beyond the level of my students. So, college was really for me.

All of the odds point me to the state university, but goddangit, the pay of the Catholic school was just good that I end up working myself up to no end. Until I followed-up my application in the latter.

After one week of waiting for a call (I was there the previous week to have the interview and exam), they told me that they were considering other possible candidates for the position.

I was just disheartened.  I compared myself to one of my colleagues who was accepted in that same school. We both received Latin honors, we came from the same school, I even have a higher rating than her in the licensure examinations, she graduated in our city college but I graduated from the best university in my country. I was better. Even if she already taught for a year longer than I was, what difference does that make? With all my efforts? I didn’t aim for a fucking Latin honor, getting in my country’s best university just to be dumped have some other people be considered instead of me. Even she was rooting for me because we really wanted to be in the same school. But no, all my credentials was thrown out the window by that school. They didn’t take into account how I measured up against all those applicants and all the newly-hired. I was just fucking distraught. But don’t get me wrong, I am not angry with my friend. I am more of envious of her. She was able to get so much from so little. But me, I who belabored just to be where I am. It was just so unthinkable. Isn’t it enough? Am I not enough? Am I not that good? Then where did all those efforts go? What happened? I just think that their hiring process was just too ridiculous.

So I am here praying that the state university will accept me. Anyway, I already did demonstration teaching and I thought I did well since I was able to peek in one of the panel’s observation sheet.  Still, for good measure, I sent applications again to five more schools.

But that thing, that fucking Catholic school episode was a fucking huge blow to my self-esteem, to my self-worth.

I think I will never be able to recover.

I was, again, rejected.

For no reason at all.

End of School Year Blues

It’s the end of the school year.

Should I have stayed, I could’ve been in Grade 10 which I believe is a validation of my skills as a teacher, but even so, I wanted out of this place. I wanted to go somewhere else where I can grow professionally, where I can say what I wanted to say and where co-workers are not part of your everyday annoyance.

I love my department head to bits, but I think my love of her will never outweigh the annoyance, nay, the hate that I feel towards my colleagues. I felt used and talked behind my back. I felt my contributions to our school were downplayed and that I wasn’t given any recognition for my work. It’s infuriating, really, they would never say a word whenever I did something right, nay, something great yet all their fangs would be on me should I stumble a bit.

Just shows how unprofessional some of the tenured teachers could be.

Which makes go to this: how come some teachers have been in the profession for a very long time and yet why do they act so unprofessional? They would downgrade the new and proby teachers to make themselves look good, but lo and behold! They are the same teachers who couldn’t control their students, couldn’t follow deadlines and couldn’t have a good relationship with their supposedly long-time colleagues. They stink of unprofessionalism I actually find them ridiculous already.

After this two-week lull, my colleagues would report again for work. Now, who said teachers have two-months vacay? It’s pure bullshit, I’m telling you. I’ve been in the same shit last year and that is so not fucking fun. I just feel lucky that I wouldn’t undergo such torture once more.

Really, I don’t have any problems staying in the same school come June, but fuck, I don’t want to see those faces again. I don’t want to see them again and pretend nothing’s going on, when in fact, I wanted to fucking punch them in the face.

Add to that, the salary.

Forget the service, bullshit. I have mouths to feed and a sibling to support. And I need to fill my coffers. I wouldn’t mind actually the extra work that my institution gives me, but shit again, could they at least give the necessary compensation? They’re giving me a sorry $300 a month for all the stress and depression I undergo. It’s not enough to feed a family of four.

It’s flight and flight from this school all the way.

Of course, I owe this school two years of my teaching experience. I honed my teaching and classroom management skills here and I am very grateful of that, but still, I feel that it has drained me to the point that I’m on the edge of mediocrity. And I hate that. Thank you for the experience, but I don’t like the way you treat your teachers.

I’ve tendered my resignation two weeks ago and one of the higher-ups noticed that I’m happy.

Well, I really am.

A burden has been finally lifted off my shoulders.

It’s time to fly again.

I Hate Mediocre Teachers

I hate incompetent, mediocre coworkers.

Thank you very much, Daniel for putting my sentiments succinctly into this pic. 

I have this certain coworker who just avoids every work that is flung to her. To start off, one year has already passed but still, she was not able to earn my respect. She always depends on us in everything, be it in visual aids, preparing lesson plans and whathaveyou. And it also doesn't help that she dodges being assigned in the boys' section. Her reason to this was that she was traumatized by handling boys' sections during her first year of teaching. And that logic, for me, is just pure bullshit. I was as traumatized as her in my first year of teaching, since I handled the batch that she handled, but I ended up liking the boys' sections and I am now enjoying teaching another batch of boys.

Boys? I enjoy them.
I enjoy teaching them (the fuck are you thinking?).

So she's stuck there in her little world of girls' sections and I am unimpressed. Whenever I tease her into handling my boys' sections, she always reply with a defiant "no" and a shake of her head. I still remain unimpressed. Seriously, between the two of us, she must be the better one, she was the one with an M.A. degree, she should be able to manuever herself in the boys' sections. And she's an adult, I'm sure as hell that these boys would follow her, seeing that she is way older (and wiser) than I am. But no, she avoids any kind of work aside from the ones she was already assigned to. An example of this dodging of responsibilities is when somebody among us is absent or has an official function outside the school. Usually, we will have to substitute for the said person and give the class activities. So there was this one time that she is supposed to substitute, but lo and behold, she didn't come. And this didn't happen once, it happened twice, and the teacher to be substituted? Me. I was in the city's division office for a meeting and I prepared an activity for my classes. So the next day, I asked her how my students were (since the section that she was supposed to be in was my rowdiest), but lo and behold again! She said she wasn't able to go in my class! My department head said that she was the one who substituted for me. I let the matter rest, but later, I asked one of my colleagues why. According to her, they thought that my colleague already went to the class but fifteen minutes after the official time, a call from the department office told our head that there wasn't any teacher in my class, so they looked for the supposed substitute teacher, but alas, they weren't able to find her. The ending was that thirty minutes after the official time, it was my head who took over, and the supposed substitute teacher only came to the teachers' room ten minutes before the time ends. Upon coming, she was asked by another colleague if she was aware that she is supposed to substitute for me, and she said she wasn't aware and didn't see the reminders posted on my head's notices board. My colleague told her that she should be looking for notices, so as not to be a nuisance to people.

Fuck yeah.

Surely, she was a nuisance to me and my colleagues that day.

I mean, if my head went there thirty minutes after the official starting time, then it means that the quality of their work would be subpar. What am I going to do with those worksheets? Throw it away? If she was so responsible, she should have felt apologetic. But no, I didn't see any trace of it when I asked her about it the next day. And it makes me think that she deliberately didn't go to my class because, well, she feels like it.

I could have forgiven her, but you see, she's very consistent with her incompetence.

Simple Joys of the Profession

A student sent me a message through Facebook this week telling me that her class won in the speech choir competition in celebration of the National Language Month.

And snore while doing it.

She told me that the class thought that I would have been proud if I was there when they won. She added that the class was more cooperative and they attribute this success to me during our own theater presentation practices last year. She ended with thanking me for being a part of their success now.

Oh my god, a fuckin' student remembers me... *hysteria*

Upon reading this, I was elated that even if a year has already passed, these students from the only pilot class I handled last year still appreciate and thank me for their success. But upon reading and rereading the message, I became sadder and sadder.

And was in denial.

It was because I hoped that they became champion when they were still my students last year, I hope that I was their teacher who won with them, I hoped that their success could directly be attributed to me. But no, I was only one of their many pit stops before they reach their finish line this year under another subject; another teacher.

But still, I comfort myself to the fact that they thought of me during their time of success, and one, one actually found the time to thank me not only for their success, but for the improvement of the whole class.

I Feel Like A Fraud

Academic discussion in my school, I have observed, are always rather limited, if there are any. And I think that this limitation which is supposed to foster academic camaraderie and critical thinking is the reason why my school is gasping for air of excellence. This is the reason for my school's culture of mediocrity. I have always felt gagged in this school, living always with the fear that somebody from my classes will tell my ideas to other teachers. I always have to watch my mouth because I might say things that other people, being numbed by conservatism, might find wrong. I cannot even say, "fat" anymore without a colleague making it a big deal. I also think that this is the reason why I can't write decently anymore. I've been suppressing my beliefs at the expense of my way of thinking. I've been denying myself my beliefs for a mere $300 a month.

It's hard to f***** shut up, you know.

My students have always viewed me as their most free-minded teacher and they want it that way. But you see, we are in a conservative institution, so I need to dilute the things that I say to them to cover up. And I feel like a fraud. I am covering up things that I believe will show to my students the other side of the coin to the things that they believed, or things that they were lead to believe, all their lives. I want to show them that the world is so rich that they need not to only see one of its facets, but they need and would always want to see its entirety. I went in their glass-stained cage voluntarily, hoping that I will shatter that cage. In a way, I have been a little successful; my "diluted" opinions were became cracks in the mirror. I want to give more, but I am as much as inside the cage as they are.

The Shackles Of Our Mind

Written while attending a boring seminar.


I have always believed that this institution, instead of cultivating a culture of excellence, is actually propagating a culture of mediocrity.

This started with a statement from one of my colleagues. She was recalling her experiences to me as a newbie teacher in our school. She was one of the stars of her batch. She was usually given tasks such as conducting basic grammar lectures to the faculty, writing scripts for emcees, to being an emcee herself.  It was also during this time when another of her colleagues told her not to bring too much attention to herself because other members of the faculty might always tell her to do her usual extra work. Why? Aside from the fact that these extra work is unpaid, people will always be dependent on her, asking her to do favors, so in the process, becomes a hindrance to what her real job is, teaching. This is the reason why only a few teachers in our department want to show their talents.

This, I think, should not be the case. Yes, the school gives the faculty opportunities, but not everybody wants it. It's because even if they depend on these talented people, deep down, they resent that quality, they resent the achievement that the person has, and that they are just waiting for that person to make the tiniest of mistakes so they can ravish that person together. Bringing him or her down. Suddenly, being talented is a sin here. So the person, not wanting to incur the sneers of her colleagues, clam up.

You don't see me. XD

We are always told to deliver, but we are not given the supportive environment for us to really grow. Our colleagues would depend on us, but we would always have this feeling that they will be the first ones who will step on us the moment we slip.

It is rather stunting. The negative energy of the academic community stifles the growth of the teachers. And it is hypocritical of ourselves to force our students to be the best when we ourselves stunt each other's talents and scoff.

This is sad. I believe that a school will never be a cradle of critical thinking and excellence if the teachers themselves are not allowed to explore and celebrate their beliefs and ideas.

Shut Up, Teacher

A little essay I wrote out of frustration. I forgot about this essay until I found it in my computer's many many folders. Wrote it way back when I was doing my practicum. And looking at myself from two years ago, I realized that being in a conservative school has never diminished my beliefs.

It was a sunny late morning and the heat of the incoming summer was starting to be felt in our faculty room.
Flux of graduating students also went in and out of the room, as it was a deadline day. At my table, I was reading an article from a newspaper about the reproductive health bill and since majority of the teachers that were with me in that room were married and had have kids, I asked them if they were in favor of the bill. The teachers gave me an assertive answer, as they felt that there was nothing wrong with it and they were not killing anybody in using contraceptives. A teacher also asked me if I was for it, I said yes, and I also said my criticism on the church’s stand. However, another teacher whispered to me which dragged me away from the friendly sharing of opinions, “Do not engage in debate yet, you're still a student-teacher.” As she was saying this, the topic was still being discussed, and the said teacher asked me my motives. I said that I just felt agitated with the church’s logic. She nodded her head and turned her attention back to what she was doing.

As soon as I found a way to go back to the conversation, I looked closely at the highlighter marker pen that I was holding and said, “This highlighter's cool; it looks like a lipbalm.” I felt a sense of success as one of the teachers who answered me took my highlighter and examined it; they really welcomed the change of topic. They ate my bait.

As I went back to reading the article, I wondered on why student teachers are not allowed to give their views on pressing issues. Sure, I am young and I still do not understand a real public school teacher’s reality. But the issue at hand must surely be a part of a real school teacher’s reality, as the topic that I opened concerned not only the parents, but most especially the students, their students. I heard their god-knows-how-many conversations about their students getting pregnant at age 16 and younger, so why prevent a healthy discourse about a soon-to be policy that would have an effect in the educational curriculum? Should we as teachers be aware of these things? Should we stop ourselves in participating or even initiating a potentially intellectually fruitful conversation? I heeded the teacher’s call for me to stop babbling about the topic; I saw her point that I was not in the position to open the topic up, but I am sure that I am in the position to open up the topic as a concerned youth concerned with her fellow youth. It seemed to me that she was trying to impose the don’t-talk-because-you-are-the-state’s-robot type of silence on me. But how about her? She is in the exact position to participate in discussions, as the double-edged sword of being a citizen and teacher is on her shoulders. She is a full-pledged teacher; can she do what I can do? She is young; can she be as concerned? The school cannot be considered as an institution in a vacuum, and teachers cannot stay apolitical for so long just because the government is putting money in their pockets. We are political beings whether we like it or not, and it is our choice to be either become a catalyst of change or a perpetuator of state oppression.

How can we change our students if we keep silent? How can we contribute in making a better society for our students if we ourselves refuse to put into question the issues that will deeply affect them?

I went to the lavatory and saw the much senior teacher who took my highlighter. I asked her.

"Ma'am, is it just fine if we student-teachers initiate topics like RH bill earlier?"

"It's just fine. It's just fine for a teacher to air her views. What's forbidden for a teacher is to endorse a politician."

Two conflicting views indeed.

The teacher went out of the comfort room to go to her class, and I continued washing my hands. I remembered my reason for staying in education, “to make myself a liberal working in an overly conservative working environment.”

I stared at myself in the mirror with anger bubbling up my chest.

I Am Understanding by Design

This year, our school is going to embark on a journey called "UbD" or Understanding by Design. This thing has been around in a while in America, but here in my country, it was implemented last year in the public schools. But since I am in a private school, it is only now that we are catching up with this UbD fever.

I already heard this UbD when I was still a practicumer in college 2 years ago, and I always thought that it is a sort of planning the lesson but you think of the assessment first. Well, to be frank, I always thought that it's only a different way of writing lesson plans.

I'm as skeptical as skeptical goes.

So here is my school catching up the fever because the Department of Education directed that the schools follow this UbD way of thinking. But it comes with a price, you see. We the members of the faculty feel very cheated of our vacation because we need to spend it doing the UbD templates. And it is such a pain on the ass considering that we need to prepare those lesson plans and we need to implement it already this coming school year. I have always thought that curriculum planning takes years, and lesson planning takes time. But making the teachers rush their lesson plans for compliance is doing the teachers (and students) injustice. If the plan is faulty, then I'm very sure that the execution would also be faulty since the teacher doesn't know what the hell she is doing. And in the long run, the students would just become guinea pigs. Basically, we are doing the lesson plans in the dark. We are just hoping that even if the plan sucks, we would be able to pull off the execution right.

My students and I are all guinea pigs.

Yes, there have been seminars, but most of it didn't really help us at all. If it did, it only caused confusion and resentment among the faculty and the administration. We have this certain seminar in the school a couple of days ago, and we invited a speaker from a publishing house to help us tresh out this confusion. Turns out, this speaker have also attended UbD seminars in America with no less than the proponents of UbD themselves. And it was most enlightening, not only did we see the things that we are doing wrong (thanks to the lesson plan critiquing), but it also made us realize that crafting UbD templates and executing it is really just simple. And that simplicity made all the difference.

According to her, all lesson are done with A-Acquisition, M-Meaning-making and T-Transfer. Now, what puzzles me is that if I am going to look at a sample UbD learning guide, it only consists of the days and the things that you are going to do in those days.

Example:

Nutrition (Grade 6) Duration: 2 weeks

Day 1: Begin with an entry question (Can the foods you eat cause pimples?) to hook students into considering the effects of nutrition in their lives. (Making meaning)
Introduce key vocabulary terms and discuss relevant selections from the textbook. (Acquisition)

Day 2: Quiz on key vocabulary terms and selections from the book
Day 3: Students work independently to develop a three-day camp menu for younger children and offer them ideas for breaking bad eating habits


And so on and so forth. The speaker told us that that is the original UbD template. And we were like, "What the f**k?" because what we are doing with our templates is, if we are going to follow this thing strictly, wrong. What we did with our templates is this.

I.    Introduction
II.    Interaction
III.    Integration
IV.    Closure
V. Agreement

And I was like...are we a bunch of sado-masochists here? So I figured this was the f***ing reason why we are having a very hard time devicing our learning plans. We are deliberately making our lives harder. It got me thinking, where in the world did our administrators get their template? They said that it was from FAPE (Fund for Assistance to Private Education), and the speaker admitted that the FAPE template is actually more complicated than the original UbD template. I felt cheated. If we have an easier template, why did they opt to choose the more complicated route? One of my colleagues said that the FAPE template is designed for Catholic schools, but what makes the template so Catholic? What makes it more effective than the original? So we felt all the more cheated by our administrators, why is it that they only scheduled the seminar now? Why only now that some of us (myself included) are already through with our learning plans? They have the whole freaking school year last year to invite that speaker. And now, they only caused confusion among us, and resentment towards our admins.

We're this close to confronting the higher - ups.

 Like our speaker said, "UbD entails us enjoying life, simplifying life," but in my school, it is surely not the case.

On Vacation (Swimming Galore)

I do not like outings.

Yes, I'm not a swimmer, which is a shame really, as I live in a freaking archipelago. But waters and sunbathing aren't really appealing to me. Add to that people. I am really socially awkward, which is counterintuitive because my work entails me to reach out to people. Still, I prefer sitting alone in my home reading, than to be basking in the sun. But what can I do, this outing is a school outing, so, my wishes of a peaceful summer is actually out of the window.

This outing is the last part of the team building activity that we will have tomorrow, which for me, is really unappealing because I was at the school for the last two weeks. I haven't shed off my school smell and haven't even missed my school yet, but here I am, already asked to report again. I just don't want other people encroaching on my much treasured, supposed to be vacation. I mean, I will be with this same people and same neuroses for the next ten months. So a team building activity is not what we need, what we need is professionalism. I think that no amount of team building will suffice for the headaches that we have caused each other ten months ago.

Next Monday will be our official reporting, so I don't really get the point of scheduling it tomorrow and on Saturday. You know, they CAN schedule it May 16 onwards, but not on our freaking pseudo-vacations. Our lesson plans are already making us busy as it is, we don't need another superficial activity.

Anyway, I think I just need to bear with it, which is so uncool.

Lesser Teacher

I fiercely disagree that those who are literate cannot be numerate and vice versa. I believe otherwise, as literacy is concrete and numeracy is abstract. Ergo, if you are good in the concrete then it means that you are also good in abstraction.

Yes, the school year has ended, but my experience for this year has only given me enough material to bitch about come vacation. And this is that time.

We deliberated on whether certain students will pass or fail certain subjects or be a retainer. Well. I have two students who will take summer classes.

Here in my place, English, Science, and Math are the three major subjects. I have always believed that if you failed English, then you got to be the most lazy-ass person in the pack, because, you know, out of these three major subjects, English is essentially the easiest. And to top it all off, English teachers here in my school actually do all of the interventions and remedies that could be made just for the students to pass a subject. Like, giving the student a retake of a quiz if he failed it, or making a student write an essay in place of a research paper he didn't submit. Or again, to a greater extent, "adjusting" the grade of the student, if you know what I mean.

That is why I have a hard time passing this certain student. I already gave all the intervention that could be given, gave him the talk, talked to his mother, gave some more remediation and voila! Still, he failed the subject. It even came to the point that I told the mother that his son is bound to fail. With a three consecutive failing grades on his report card, he goddamned needed to have an a satisfactory grade for the last quarter to have a passing average so he could avoid having summer classes and seeing my face again. So, with much reflection and determination on my part that I will defend the grade that I was able to calculate, I gave him the red mark.

Come deliberation day, and this student actually failed Math, Science and English. So my colleagues properly concluded that this student was bound to repeat the whole curriculum. Now, I think I already made it clear before in my earlier posts that this school babysits students when it comes to grades, so one of us (me, the Math teacher and the Science teacher) were expected to give way and give the student a passing grade in his/her subject so that the student, instead of being retained, would just have summer class.

It turns out that this school has always been expecting the English teacher to give way.

But it also turns out that they hired a teacher who's not up to expectations.

I know they know the grading system of my subject, but I still gave them a detailed breakdown of the student's grade. And added the fact that I gave the student necessary remedies so he can pull his grades up, but to no avail (the reason for these remedies thing is for me to justify the student's grade in situations like these. It serves as a proof that sometimes, a few students are some serious slack-offs). Of course, the Math and Science teachers are tenured teachers and I know that everybody in the conference already knew that nobody will back-off.

Before the verdict was given, the homeroom adviser was asked about the students' character. Well, he did a pretty neat job of saving him through glossing over the character of the student. But it didn't just cut it. Not when the student does not have enough character to invest in his future and study.

So, the student was retained.

And it makes so much sense.

Here, all of the subjects are taught in English (except for Social Studies and National Language), Science and Math included. So, it follows that if you have troubles listening, reading, speaking or writing in English, then you will have a more difficult time in the content areas and vice versa.

So I really do not see the reason why there are some people who actually expect English teachers to give way. Is it lack of respect for the subject? For the language? Is it a blatant abuse of the generosity of the teachers themselves who let themselves (and their computations) be questioned?

That is another story.

Approaching Requiem

Only a few weeks and this school year is, finally, going to end. The students are already feeling restless, for they know that vacation draws near. As for me, I feel this wanting to end all of this work and to finish all the requirements and be done with it.

One of the things that we need to do as teachers in that school is to administer oral and written test to determine who among our students would be given an award.

 

I have students from my classes who qualified. And they did well on the written tests.

However, based on the results of the oral tests which were administered by my colleagues from another level, my students sucked majorly.

And it hurts me, actually.

I was thinking, "What did I do?" "What did I NOT do?" They are good in grammar and reading comprehension as what the standard test told me, but I observed during classes that they are not really that communicative, they are so inhibited, and try as I might to encourage them to speak, still sometimes, I do a monologue in class.

So, I saw the results, and no one among my students got the bacon.

And I am sad. As much as I love those students, there's this part of me that feels guilty; I have always viewed them as a reflection of myself. If they fail getting that award; then I failed too. Why do I feel this way anyway? It's because my students, though they are achievers, are always viewed as the underdogs. That was why I was training them as much as I can. We received triumphs like when they won second place in a theatrical presentation, not what we have expected and wanted, but at least, we beat the favorites.

But still, that award is the most important thing to my students, and them not getting it just depresses me.

I already submitted the results to my department chair, but the results aren't announced to the students yet. And I dread the day that I would see the frustration on my students' faces.

I was asking them whether or not they think they will get the award, and I think that they know subconsciously that they didn't get that award. But of course, there is still that tiny flicker of expectation that they would emerge victorious in the end.

Until then, I need to prepare myself to comfort these little, fragile souls, for whenever they look at me, I realize that they depend on me.

Slavery Renewal

It has been two weeks since I last posted something. I promised to myself that I am going to make this blog project a habit, that's why I'm here again, my dear rockers.

So, it's already almost the end of this new year's first month, and earlier, we were already given service renewal forms. I am supposed to submit it tomorrow, but until now, I am still leaving it blank.

I want to say no to renewing my contract and resign altogether because I do not want to do the wrong things that I did inside my classroom. As rebellious as I am, I have to admit that I have been a very bad and disrespectful teacher towards my students, and I do not want to repeat the same thing again next year. But at the same time I also want to stay because I want to erase those mistakes in the coming academic year.

I am feeling stressed while typing this, I already want to sleep now, but because I need to have some time for myself to reflect, I need to stay awake. I also want to stay because I am lazy enough to find my next job. I want to spend my vacation, refuel myself and recover from the emotional wear and tear that I have endured for a whole fucking year.

Again, practicality comes in, if I do resign with only 1 year experience, then it would be difficult for me to find another school to hire me, since they might think that I resigned from my previous teaching post because I had brushed with the powers-that-may-be in the said previous school. Fuck. I just want to say that I don't give a fuck whether I have a job or not. Hell, I can live on my own without even working, not with my apartment that I am renting out.

Teaching has been a very emotionally draining job for me, and now, I am just basically torn between practicality and preserving myself.

Fuck. I so want to rest.