Another Colleagues Rant

I am very much disappointed that we only have a week’s worth of sembreak. I just want to have that long and refreshing break that would make me actually go back to school again. I just don’t want to think of any school-related thing now even as I am planning to check my students’ outputs. My students are my source of strength. What I cannot stand is my colleagues’ presence. I dread it every second. I feel like I am a slave to their caprices. It was much made bigger by the misfortunes I had last term. I have been much distressed since then. And their looming anger at my every step scares me. It’s already been five months now since I first stepped into the halls of this new school, and I feel as if I am still not grounded. That I am still the outsider, the odd one out in our team. I always felt that my stay with them will be transient. And that come January, I would have to scout again for new schools to apply to. If that’s the case then, my plan of action is to get the necessary documents for my MA and to apply to a state university as what I was previously planning.

I just hate one of my colleagues sometimes, she is the only one I know of who has a boyfriend but it overly smug and rude. If only our students could truly see here as she really is. I do not think they would have a crush on her. I always think that this bitterness towards me is caused by what I can see as her being threatened by my presence in the department. If only she could realize that I have no plans of snatching her throne from her. What I only want to do is to teach and not to strive to please anyone. But then, it is badly needed for my being rehired next year. If only I could fast forward the two years so that I could already be a tenured teacher, I would do so, just so a big burden will already be taken away from me. 

Fifty Shades Rant

If somebody dares ask me about Fifty Shades of Grey, I would say, “Boys, this is how your mom’s fantasies would look like.” Just to destroy their lives once and for all.

In all fairness to Twilight, it had the decency to start out as original from the mind of Stephenie Meyer. But Fifty Shades is a badly written fanfiction of a badly written fiction. You can’t possibly write anymore fanfiction of Fifty Shades of Grey in the mature rating because it doesn’t get anymore in-your-face than that.
But if somebody would dare write, I suggest she (since most fanfic writers are female) take it to the extreme. Like humping while Ana is kicking Grey’s balls. Or him pulling out Ana’s nails with pliers while kissing her. I don’t know. If pain and pleasure is the name of the game, then you have to be creative. More creative and extreme than EL James could ever sickeningly dream of.

Before that book became popular, I am against the idea of book-burning, but one day while I was in a bookstore and saw a fucking table dedicated to the trilogy, I wanted to run berserk and shout and hurl all the copies at the attendants, cursing them for “honoring”  the book by putting it in the fucking entrance of the store of all the places.

The True Me

I very much wanted my students to appreciate me the same way I do. But then, given our limited contact, it would be virtually impossible to have even one meeting where we are just going to joke around. Their vitality and their joys give life to my otherwise mundane existence. They give me hope and confidence in myself. Their joys give me strength, their life give me life. And I love them for it. If only they would know how I really appreciate each of them and that the façade I have shown them in our very first meeting is just that, a façade. And that behind it is a soul that craves for life and freedom as much as they do. Then it would be my happiness. I would remember not the scores they got in the requirements I have them but their happiness, their innocence, their child-like wonder at the world. And now they made me fully realize that my purpose in the next years of my life is to take care of them, to guide them and to encourage them no matter how small our age gap may be. They made me feel that I am doing something right in my life and that I made the right decision in choosing not only as my profession but also my life.

It may sound so corny to my rational mind, but then seeing them laugh inside and outside of my classroom are the things I treasure most in my heart. It’s their life which gives me life, it’s their laughter that makes me laugh it’s their naïveté and native intelligence that  tell me that not all is lost. I don’t want to grow indifferent to them to answer their harmless inquiries with sarcasm that most of my colleagues have used to them. I would, in all my capabilities answer them sensibly, treat them maturely and to make them feel that they have a sister in me, if not a parent (because hey, I am just seven years older).

If only I could touch their lives the same way my teachers did to me when I was a student myself, then I would be happy. If only I could influence them to become teachers themselves, given their family backgrounds, I’m pretty sure that none would do so. So with that, I’ll just be here, waiting for them to grow up and realize their dreams, hoping that I may have, even infinitesimally, contributed to their well-being.

It is often said that teaching is the noblest profession and I would have to thank my students this ring in me so true.

Colleagues Rant

As for my work, well, I really do enjoy teaching. It’s the other aspects which really make me tired. I’ve always felt that I can never really trust someone. There’s no connection, really with my colleagues. I feel as if my every move is being watched as much as I want to have a quiet existence. I really am looking forward for the term exams, as I would really have time for myself. Or rather, I would have much time to do paperworks. I miss not talking with people and not have everybody have a say as to how I am going to do my work. I miss not having another eye inside my classroom. I just miss being me in the classroom. I miss not consulting with every other goddamned thing in my fucking class because it’s my fucking class. It’s my lesson. Leave me the fuck alone.

I am not physically tired. I am psychologically fed up with my set-up. I hate this. I just hate it. I’ve become their mouthpiece, really. 

Sometimes, I wish I would just disappear. Or I would wake up one day without the pressure of living. Just me and my existence.  Talking with these fucking people just drains me. Goddamnit, can you just let me do my job?

I Am Not Going to Crack

So I decided to actually write something. Just like what I was already ranting about, I just don’t get my colleagues. How I really wish this year would already end. I don’t care whether I get another year of contract with them or not but I just want this year to be done and over with. It’s just so unbearable, this stress. I have realized in the three years of my career that I really work best alone. 

I am just so happy that I am very much resilient that I am not yet on my knees crying. God, that is something which I am really proud of here in my new school. They say that it’s really difficult being here but truly, they haven’t been where I have been. I am sort of glad that I’ve had that brutal training in my previous school that I can say that being here in my new school isn’t really much of a whirlwind.

That is why I am really looking forward for this year to end. I am just fed up with them. So much mingling. My head is not in the right space this time. They are caring much of my trouble really. They contribute and make things complicated. I’ve always wondered hoe they are going to manage if we reverse the situation. I would very much like them to crack. Never have I felt that I was part of the group. I was the odd one out. They isolate me yet expect me to mingle with them. I just don’t get them. If ever I don’t get my contract extended for another year, I would actually just be very fine with it. 

Though I do not want to leave this school with the reason that I got fired. No, and that thought is the only thing that is keeping me through and for acting to keep my shit together. I will not break. I will not bow down. I will get through this and emerge successful. I will have my revenge and I will have my time. They will be put in their places. I will have a renewed contract next year and I will prove to them that I am much better than they thought. I will be in my element and I will be the best because I am. 

I will never be bogged down by these people who knew nothing of love and professionalism which make me miss my former school. Yes, the work load is shit and the pay is even shittier, but at least my colleagues, especially my team-mates in the second year have made everything bearable.  I just can’t stand my colleagues here. They’re very foul.

Happy with where I am now

I feel like I’ll be retiring in my new school now. I can actually foresee growing old teaching there. Wow. What a very nice vision. I hope it would happen. But before that, I have to be a permanent teacher first. But that would only be approximately 2-3 years from now which I think is not that long. I mean, compare that to the four years of my former school. I truly hope that would happen. And I would make that happen.

I have all the positivity right now.

I just love my new school.

Happy and Contented

I am officially happy with where I am right now.

I have fewer teaching load with better pay, and my new colleagues couldn’t be much warmer. I have easily assimilated to how they do their work there. And I could say that their very positive attitude reflects how their workload is just a breeze. 

It is something that I haven’t experienced in my former school. Though I have yet to gauge the students in this new school, I can officially say that I am contented. I may have some reservations and fears of the English teachers being in my class during my period, but in general, I am happy. 

I love my new school.

For the longest time, I am now officially happy. I am now officially contented with what I have right now. The only thing remaining for me to do is to prove myself to them, that I am worthy of the teaching post I have right now.

I am going to do it right, and I am going to do it perfectly.

The politeobserver will not be in a not-so-indefinite-hiatus anymore

With the sudden turn of events like me being hired in a Catholic school once more, I will have to return to posting in this blog.

The original plan was for me to open another one should it happen that I get hired in the state university where I sent my application and my misadventures be recorded in a cheerier and looser manner in a way that I actually have to be more open as to who I really am and what I really do. However, since it didn’t happen, then I should continue writing in here to of course, protect myself and my students.

I am hoping that even if I am still teaching in a Catholic school, my experiences would be a lot memorable and happier.

Rest assured that the flow of new posts will continue, as the politeobserver is not anymore on a hiatus.

Keep thinking, be curious, continue the wonder.

I Hate Mediocre Teachers

I hate incompetent, mediocre coworkers.

Thank you very much, Daniel for putting my sentiments succinctly into this pic. 

I have this certain coworker who just avoids every work that is flung to her. To start off, one year has already passed but still, she was not able to earn my respect. She always depends on us in everything, be it in visual aids, preparing lesson plans and whathaveyou. And it also doesn't help that she dodges being assigned in the boys' section. Her reason to this was that she was traumatized by handling boys' sections during her first year of teaching. And that logic, for me, is just pure bullshit. I was as traumatized as her in my first year of teaching, since I handled the batch that she handled, but I ended up liking the boys' sections and I am now enjoying teaching another batch of boys.

Boys? I enjoy them.
I enjoy teaching them (the fuck are you thinking?).

So she's stuck there in her little world of girls' sections and I am unimpressed. Whenever I tease her into handling my boys' sections, she always reply with a defiant "no" and a shake of her head. I still remain unimpressed. Seriously, between the two of us, she must be the better one, she was the one with an M.A. degree, she should be able to manuever herself in the boys' sections. And she's an adult, I'm sure as hell that these boys would follow her, seeing that she is way older (and wiser) than I am. But no, she avoids any kind of work aside from the ones she was already assigned to. An example of this dodging of responsibilities is when somebody among us is absent or has an official function outside the school. Usually, we will have to substitute for the said person and give the class activities. So there was this one time that she is supposed to substitute, but lo and behold, she didn't come. And this didn't happen once, it happened twice, and the teacher to be substituted? Me. I was in the city's division office for a meeting and I prepared an activity for my classes. So the next day, I asked her how my students were (since the section that she was supposed to be in was my rowdiest), but lo and behold again! She said she wasn't able to go in my class! My department head said that she was the one who substituted for me. I let the matter rest, but later, I asked one of my colleagues why. According to her, they thought that my colleague already went to the class but fifteen minutes after the official time, a call from the department office told our head that there wasn't any teacher in my class, so they looked for the supposed substitute teacher, but alas, they weren't able to find her. The ending was that thirty minutes after the official time, it was my head who took over, and the supposed substitute teacher only came to the teachers' room ten minutes before the time ends. Upon coming, she was asked by another colleague if she was aware that she is supposed to substitute for me, and she said she wasn't aware and didn't see the reminders posted on my head's notices board. My colleague told her that she should be looking for notices, so as not to be a nuisance to people.

Fuck yeah.

Surely, she was a nuisance to me and my colleagues that day.

I mean, if my head went there thirty minutes after the official starting time, then it means that the quality of their work would be subpar. What am I going to do with those worksheets? Throw it away? If she was so responsible, she should have felt apologetic. But no, I didn't see any trace of it when I asked her about it the next day. And it makes me think that she deliberately didn't go to my class because, well, she feels like it.

I could have forgiven her, but you see, she's very consistent with her incompetence.

Simple Joys of the Profession

A student sent me a message through Facebook this week telling me that her class won in the speech choir competition in celebration of the National Language Month.

And snore while doing it.

She told me that the class thought that I would have been proud if I was there when they won. She added that the class was more cooperative and they attribute this success to me during our own theater presentation practices last year. She ended with thanking me for being a part of their success now.

Oh my god, a fuckin' student remembers me... *hysteria*

Upon reading this, I was elated that even if a year has already passed, these students from the only pilot class I handled last year still appreciate and thank me for their success. But upon reading and rereading the message, I became sadder and sadder.

And was in denial.

It was because I hoped that they became champion when they were still my students last year, I hope that I was their teacher who won with them, I hoped that their success could directly be attributed to me. But no, I was only one of their many pit stops before they reach their finish line this year under another subject; another teacher.

But still, I comfort myself to the fact that they thought of me during their time of success, and one, one actually found the time to thank me not only for their success, but for the improvement of the whole class.

Class Vignettes

Lesson: Adverbs
Teacher: How do you lick an ice cream?

Student: I lick it up and down.
Class: *laughter*


Lesson: Sentence Errors
Before prayer.
T: You button your polo shirt up; you're not a pornstar.

S1: (buttons his shirt)
S2 at the back: I am a pornstar (sing and dance)

Now imagine this guy in a school uniform...And gyrating like a worm.

T: Oh, so you wan't to be a pornstar? Come here on the platform, strip off your clothes. You want a demonstration here in front?
Class: *laughter*

S2: *blushes* No, ma'am.

Lesson: Simple Past
T: What did you do last night?
S: I jerked off.

The legend of Boy Jerk Off...

Class: *deadly silence*

And the girls suddenly looked interested.

Seriously, these students are too sex-deprived.

I Feel Like A Fraud

Academic discussion in my school, I have observed, are always rather limited, if there are any. And I think that this limitation which is supposed to foster academic camaraderie and critical thinking is the reason why my school is gasping for air of excellence. This is the reason for my school's culture of mediocrity. I have always felt gagged in this school, living always with the fear that somebody from my classes will tell my ideas to other teachers. I always have to watch my mouth because I might say things that other people, being numbed by conservatism, might find wrong. I cannot even say, "fat" anymore without a colleague making it a big deal. I also think that this is the reason why I can't write decently anymore. I've been suppressing my beliefs at the expense of my way of thinking. I've been denying myself my beliefs for a mere $300 a month.

It's hard to f***** shut up, you know.

My students have always viewed me as their most free-minded teacher and they want it that way. But you see, we are in a conservative institution, so I need to dilute the things that I say to them to cover up. And I feel like a fraud. I am covering up things that I believe will show to my students the other side of the coin to the things that they believed, or things that they were lead to believe, all their lives. I want to show them that the world is so rich that they need not to only see one of its facets, but they need and would always want to see its entirety. I went in their glass-stained cage voluntarily, hoping that I will shatter that cage. In a way, I have been a little successful; my "diluted" opinions were became cracks in the mirror. I want to give more, but I am as much as inside the cage as they are.

The Shackles Of Our Mind

Written while attending a boring seminar.


I have always believed that this institution, instead of cultivating a culture of excellence, is actually propagating a culture of mediocrity.

This started with a statement from one of my colleagues. She was recalling her experiences to me as a newbie teacher in our school. She was one of the stars of her batch. She was usually given tasks such as conducting basic grammar lectures to the faculty, writing scripts for emcees, to being an emcee herself.  It was also during this time when another of her colleagues told her not to bring too much attention to herself because other members of the faculty might always tell her to do her usual extra work. Why? Aside from the fact that these extra work is unpaid, people will always be dependent on her, asking her to do favors, so in the process, becomes a hindrance to what her real job is, teaching. This is the reason why only a few teachers in our department want to show their talents.

This, I think, should not be the case. Yes, the school gives the faculty opportunities, but not everybody wants it. It's because even if they depend on these talented people, deep down, they resent that quality, they resent the achievement that the person has, and that they are just waiting for that person to make the tiniest of mistakes so they can ravish that person together. Bringing him or her down. Suddenly, being talented is a sin here. So the person, not wanting to incur the sneers of her colleagues, clam up.

You don't see me. XD

We are always told to deliver, but we are not given the supportive environment for us to really grow. Our colleagues would depend on us, but we would always have this feeling that they will be the first ones who will step on us the moment we slip.

It is rather stunting. The negative energy of the academic community stifles the growth of the teachers. And it is hypocritical of ourselves to force our students to be the best when we ourselves stunt each other's talents and scoff.

This is sad. I believe that a school will never be a cradle of critical thinking and excellence if the teachers themselves are not allowed to explore and celebrate their beliefs and ideas.

Lesser Teacher

I fiercely disagree that those who are literate cannot be numerate and vice versa. I believe otherwise, as literacy is concrete and numeracy is abstract. Ergo, if you are good in the concrete then it means that you are also good in abstraction.

Yes, the school year has ended, but my experience for this year has only given me enough material to bitch about come vacation. And this is that time.

We deliberated on whether certain students will pass or fail certain subjects or be a retainer. Well. I have two students who will take summer classes.

Here in my place, English, Science, and Math are the three major subjects. I have always believed that if you failed English, then you got to be the most lazy-ass person in the pack, because, you know, out of these three major subjects, English is essentially the easiest. And to top it all off, English teachers here in my school actually do all of the interventions and remedies that could be made just for the students to pass a subject. Like, giving the student a retake of a quiz if he failed it, or making a student write an essay in place of a research paper he didn't submit. Or again, to a greater extent, "adjusting" the grade of the student, if you know what I mean.

That is why I have a hard time passing this certain student. I already gave all the intervention that could be given, gave him the talk, talked to his mother, gave some more remediation and voila! Still, he failed the subject. It even came to the point that I told the mother that his son is bound to fail. With a three consecutive failing grades on his report card, he goddamned needed to have an a satisfactory grade for the last quarter to have a passing average so he could avoid having summer classes and seeing my face again. So, with much reflection and determination on my part that I will defend the grade that I was able to calculate, I gave him the red mark.

Come deliberation day, and this student actually failed Math, Science and English. So my colleagues properly concluded that this student was bound to repeat the whole curriculum. Now, I think I already made it clear before in my earlier posts that this school babysits students when it comes to grades, so one of us (me, the Math teacher and the Science teacher) were expected to give way and give the student a passing grade in his/her subject so that the student, instead of being retained, would just have summer class.

It turns out that this school has always been expecting the English teacher to give way.

But it also turns out that they hired a teacher who's not up to expectations.

I know they know the grading system of my subject, but I still gave them a detailed breakdown of the student's grade. And added the fact that I gave the student necessary remedies so he can pull his grades up, but to no avail (the reason for these remedies thing is for me to justify the student's grade in situations like these. It serves as a proof that sometimes, a few students are some serious slack-offs). Of course, the Math and Science teachers are tenured teachers and I know that everybody in the conference already knew that nobody will back-off.

Before the verdict was given, the homeroom adviser was asked about the students' character. Well, he did a pretty neat job of saving him through glossing over the character of the student. But it didn't just cut it. Not when the student does not have enough character to invest in his future and study.

So, the student was retained.

And it makes so much sense.

Here, all of the subjects are taught in English (except for Social Studies and National Language), Science and Math included. So, it follows that if you have troubles listening, reading, speaking or writing in English, then you will have a more difficult time in the content areas and vice versa.

So I really do not see the reason why there are some people who actually expect English teachers to give way. Is it lack of respect for the subject? For the language? Is it a blatant abuse of the generosity of the teachers themselves who let themselves (and their computations) be questioned?

That is another story.

Advanced English Classes Rant

I am going to have an advanced English classes this coming Monday. And I am having mixed feelings about it.

It will be a 2-week class and the students will be attending classes in their major subjects, English, Math and Science. What I like about this is that my students will be the best students of the incoming sophomores. And I am toying with the idea of making this an almost college course. No predictable motivation, presentation, discussion and all those things that bores students in a normal situation. And I am planning to apply everything that I have learned in college about task-based teaching. Therefore, it would be the students who would be doing more work than I am, which, you see, the very reason why these techniques were formulated in the first place. That every lesson must be student-centered and students must be the ones responsible for their own creation of meaning.

But still, I couldn't get rid of preparing an outline of the topics that we will tackle for these two weeks, and I plan on making it oral-intensive. And this is because I noticed that most of our students, if not all, know English grammar perfectly based on standards-based assessments. They know the grammar forms, but they, even the best students, have difficulty in speaking in the language. So this is what I want to hone for two weeks. Apparently, a cohort told me that my lessons for these classes must be introductions of what they are going to discuss come regular school year. And that is just like cold water thrown on me, because I know that our lessons will be research paper and grammar intensive. Yes, we do have a speech program, but sometimes, it is relegated to the sideline because we need to cover topics that will be included in the summative tests. And this defeats the purpose of learning in the first place. But still, still, I am going to push through with my plan, anyway, this is advanced classes. What they must know are things which are not going to be discussed in a regular classroom.

One thing that made me pissed off with this affair, though, is the compensation. We are already spending our "vacation" by making and editing lesson plans and this added burden of teaching in summer is just a bummer. We teachers of the advanced classes will only be given $16.00, tops. Two weeks, people. Fucking two weeks. That wouldn't make so much difference in the long run, wouldn't it?

Well, that's life. Get bored with it.

Approaching Requiem

Only a few weeks and this school year is, finally, going to end. The students are already feeling restless, for they know that vacation draws near. As for me, I feel this wanting to end all of this work and to finish all the requirements and be done with it.

One of the things that we need to do as teachers in that school is to administer oral and written test to determine who among our students would be given an award.

 

I have students from my classes who qualified. And they did well on the written tests.

However, based on the results of the oral tests which were administered by my colleagues from another level, my students sucked majorly.

And it hurts me, actually.

I was thinking, "What did I do?" "What did I NOT do?" They are good in grammar and reading comprehension as what the standard test told me, but I observed during classes that they are not really that communicative, they are so inhibited, and try as I might to encourage them to speak, still sometimes, I do a monologue in class.

So, I saw the results, and no one among my students got the bacon.

And I am sad. As much as I love those students, there's this part of me that feels guilty; I have always viewed them as a reflection of myself. If they fail getting that award; then I failed too. Why do I feel this way anyway? It's because my students, though they are achievers, are always viewed as the underdogs. That was why I was training them as much as I can. We received triumphs like when they won second place in a theatrical presentation, not what we have expected and wanted, but at least, we beat the favorites.

But still, that award is the most important thing to my students, and them not getting it just depresses me.

I already submitted the results to my department chair, but the results aren't announced to the students yet. And I dread the day that I would see the frustration on my students' faces.

I was asking them whether or not they think they will get the award, and I think that they know subconsciously that they didn't get that award. But of course, there is still that tiny flicker of expectation that they would emerge victorious in the end.

Until then, I need to prepare myself to comfort these little, fragile souls, for whenever they look at me, I realize that they depend on me.

I Don't Like Noisy People

I don't like noisy people.
It disrupts my inner harmony.
Enough said.

Okay, so one thing that I want to instill in my students is the value of respect, freethinking and shutting the fuck up whenever we have a discussion. It irks me really, especially whenever I stop so that they will stop talking, and then as soon as I start talking they would also talk. Now, how fucked up that is? It just drains me.

I am an introvert, so being a teacher is really counter-intuitive.

"Well, now, boys, you already got your classmates' attention, so shut up now, will ya?"

So much for destroying lives.

If these students' lives are whining, "Oh, my life is a waste...", then I suggest that they should fuck off from the schools and stop making life a waste for their teachers. Really, it disrupts my inner harmony.

A Letter to Any of My Students

(Put name of student here),

I am feeling generous this year,so I'll be giving away some stuff to some of my students whom I think has the potential to give our society a little shake - if not an earthquake.
This is just a recording of the shows/books of George Carlin. I hope you know him, but if you don't, then start knowing the man. I am sure that you'll like the guy's ideas. He is dead by the way, but we are not quite sure if he is up there in heaven looking down at us or down in hell looking up at us. Hell, if there is no heaven or hell, then he is just there six feet below the ground making the worms happy, which I know will annoy him because he doesn't really want anybody bothering him. Majority of his ideas are basically the very same ideas which I always hold back whenever I am discussing something in class, for the reason that we are in a Catholic school. Of course, we have that faculty rating bullshit, so I'd rather not share my more radical ideas to the whole class.

Consider this not as a gift, not as a mere collection of some comedian's wisecracks, but rather as a collection of things I didn't say (but I wanted to say) in class.

Remember, "if in doubt, turn left."

Enjoy.

From your totally f***** up teacher,
(My name)

I have students who are really good thinkers that it is a shame they have some lame ambitions like being an architect. 

Still, I want to give them something to make them change their way of thinking. Consider this as an explicit attempt to veer them to liberal thinking. Why give them Carlin's show recordings? Well, I could've said the very same ideas myself during class, but you see, there are some people who cannot help but put their noses inside my fucking class, and my fucking classroom.

Well, I think I tried to insert some other way of thinking during the course of our meetings...

The "neon god" in the song "The Sound of Silence" is home, school, and church, generally the Establishment. And they must start giving this society a little shake by starting to question the things around them.

I have yet to suggest to them the inconsistencies of the teachings of the Catholic church.
I really pity my students, they are made to think that there is only one line of thinking and that is via the Catholic doctrinal perspective and I really feel frustrated that I cannot do what I pledged myself to do once I started teaching: to make my students free thinkers. I want them to realize that morality shouldn't be based on prescriptive doctrines but rather on universal human virtues.

I think I really need to transfer to a public school to be really able to do that.

But for now, I have to resort to Carlin. As much as our ideas are similar, his language is much more solid than mine.