End of School Year Blues

It’s the end of the school year.

Should I have stayed, I could’ve been in Grade 10 which I believe is a validation of my skills as a teacher, but even so, I wanted out of this place. I wanted to go somewhere else where I can grow professionally, where I can say what I wanted to say and where co-workers are not part of your everyday annoyance.

I love my department head to bits, but I think my love of her will never outweigh the annoyance, nay, the hate that I feel towards my colleagues. I felt used and talked behind my back. I felt my contributions to our school were downplayed and that I wasn’t given any recognition for my work. It’s infuriating, really, they would never say a word whenever I did something right, nay, something great yet all their fangs would be on me should I stumble a bit.

Just shows how unprofessional some of the tenured teachers could be.

Which makes go to this: how come some teachers have been in the profession for a very long time and yet why do they act so unprofessional? They would downgrade the new and proby teachers to make themselves look good, but lo and behold! They are the same teachers who couldn’t control their students, couldn’t follow deadlines and couldn’t have a good relationship with their supposedly long-time colleagues. They stink of unprofessionalism I actually find them ridiculous already.

After this two-week lull, my colleagues would report again for work. Now, who said teachers have two-months vacay? It’s pure bullshit, I’m telling you. I’ve been in the same shit last year and that is so not fucking fun. I just feel lucky that I wouldn’t undergo such torture once more.

Really, I don’t have any problems staying in the same school come June, but fuck, I don’t want to see those faces again. I don’t want to see them again and pretend nothing’s going on, when in fact, I wanted to fucking punch them in the face.

Add to that, the salary.

Forget the service, bullshit. I have mouths to feed and a sibling to support. And I need to fill my coffers. I wouldn’t mind actually the extra work that my institution gives me, but shit again, could they at least give the necessary compensation? They’re giving me a sorry $300 a month for all the stress and depression I undergo. It’s not enough to feed a family of four.

It’s flight and flight from this school all the way.

Of course, I owe this school two years of my teaching experience. I honed my teaching and classroom management skills here and I am very grateful of that, but still, I feel that it has drained me to the point that I’m on the edge of mediocrity. And I hate that. Thank you for the experience, but I don’t like the way you treat your teachers.

I’ve tendered my resignation two weeks ago and one of the higher-ups noticed that I’m happy.

Well, I really am.

A burden has been finally lifted off my shoulders.

It’s time to fly again.

Administrators are Prudish People

With all the hoopla that was UbD, I was most enlightened by the seminar my school had days ago. It made me realize that UbD is actually very simple, lesson planning-wise and execution-wise. But apparently, its the administrators who are pulling us down. 

Pulling us into the pits of academic insanity.

We teachers (who have been cheated so many times already), agreed to the speaker when she said that UbD is supposed to be simpler. We filled our auditorium with the sound of our agreement and relief. 

We're close to hysterics, actually. *sigh*

But you know, administrators took it as a voice of dissent. Well, yes, it was a voice of dissent not only of probationary teachers but also of our more seasoned teachers. So, it didn't come as a surprise when our area head (and I love her) told us that the higher-ups of the institution took offense. And I say, they really should take offense and responsibility, because if we didn't have that seminar, then we wouldn't know that we are bullshitting ourselves, and that it could have been easier if they invited the freaking speaker earlier last year.

BOOOOOOOOOOO!

That seminar caused confusion. Are we going to push on with our plans? Are we going to use the plans from last year? But the topics for this year are different! Are we going to edit it? But I'm through! And the list goes on. 

These administrators shouldn't take offense if we teachers are airing their discontent, it shows their incompetence all the more. This confusion was their fault in the first place. If they have that seminar earlier on, then we wouldn't write trash lesson plans all in the name of compliance. They told us to submit our plans in the middle of the month, and then suddenly they will invite a speaker who would point out our mistakes and then they would tell us to rewrite our lesson plans? Fuck them all. Let them write the plans themselves. And it doesn't help that they gave us a more complicated template. 

We're not sado-masochists, people. So why make it so complicated?

What these administrators do not realize is that, at the end of the day, it is the teachers who would bear the burden of it all. If you go inside a classroom with a faulty plan, then you'll have a faulty class, observation, class performance, grades, and faulty national achievement test results. And when you have these faulty things, of course, they put the blame on the teachers who are just basically following directives from the higher-ups (who fucked up the whole thing in the first place). 

So, these administrators do not have the right to bitch about us bitching about how we hate the current situation. They run a private school and they have the f*****g power to adjust the FAPE format or reject the format altogether just because they can and it can be more beneficial to the teachers. But hell no, they made us do it without realizing that it is not what the proponents of UbD envisioned. And now that they are garnering the teachers' wrath, they get back to us? That's the problem with following uncritically. Shows their level of incompetence actually.

As for the lesson plans itself, it has been decided that whatever we have finished  will be left as it is and that the proper format (of EU and EQ) must already be followed in the two final quarters. But what I am bitter about is that these administrators stuck with the FAPE format. I mean, I consider that format to be a format of some humbug trying to be more significant than the proponents themselves. Why can't they accept that that format is so f****** wrong? Oh well, they don't want to admit that they're wrong so, might as well stick with it, yeah? Christ Jesus.

Teaching is good, innovation is good, and change is good, but if you are doing it the wrong way, might as well don't do it at all.

A Late Post - American Idol Rant

American Idol just ended and, for me, it was more of a whimper than a blast.

It's so boring I want to cry. *snort*

I have always been excited about this season because the genre of the contestants are so diverse and all of them are really quirky. But obviously, the quirkiness scared the shit out of the voters. My bets were Naima, Casey and James, but when James got voted off, I rooted for Haley. And she got voted off too. It makes me think that maybe I'm just weird.

I'm this weird.

 So, here's what I think of the contestants.

Ashton - Okay, I don't have much to say about her since she wasn't around for long. But she's got the pipes, she only lacks, what, creativity? There's something amiss.

Karen - She wowed me with her rendition of "Hero" but after that, I was bored. Her voice lacked power in the succeeding episodes.

Pia - You know, if she is in my country, I'm so sure she would win because the ability to reach those messianic notes is always revered here. But apparently, this is American Idol, so it's rather sad that she went away. She is competition, really. She is a total package; good looks and talent. You rarely find that in our artists nowadays.

Thia - Even with the support of the Filipino community, this girl didn't really make a mark. Yes, she's got the voice, but you know, she needed to up her game. She is a boring as boring goes.

Stefano - Ohkay. I don't like him at all. He looks trying hard and he looks constipated whenever he performs. I always thought that he became a wild card because J-Lo likes him. He was one of the contestants that I wished would go away but was proving to be a turd.

Paul - I am conflicted with him. Sometimes he's good; sometimes he sounded as if he was a rat whose balls got squeezed. But it was sad seeing him go away.

Jacob - Now, here are some pipes. I liked him at the beginning of the competition, but as time moved on, listening to him got boring. It was always too over the top.



Casey - Okay, I like how he performed in the audition, and his performances were really quirky. He was one of the reasons I held on to Idol this season. I have no problems with his growls, but sometimes I was like, "what the hell is that clearing-the-throat-while-singing for?" He was very creative, yes, but sometimes it looked too forced and over-acting. If he had been more natural; then he might've stayed longer.

James - I'm also conflicted with James. He's got the pipes and like Casey, I always watch for whatever he might do in the stage. He's got creativity, and being a metalhead myself, liking him comes naturally. But you know, sometimes, I feel that he is a poser. He's too pop to be metal even if he sells himself to be the latter. But it was really a shocker to see him go. By the time he got voted off, I stopped watching AI altogether (Actually, as early as Naima's elimination, I have been only watching the thing passively, sometimes just reading the yahoo articles to keep me updated).

Haley - She's got the pipes. She's got spunk. But I never saw what she really wanted to be after AI. I can see almost everybody's genre after AI. Stefano's RnB, Jacob's gospel/soul, Casey's jazz, James is metal, but her? Na-ah. But I think she should be more on the rocker side. I always like her whenever she sings angry songs.

Lauren - During the early days of the competition, I always leveled her with Haley. Spunk and attitude and voice. I like her. Her voice is so crystalline. I thought she would be a tough contender. But, no, she lost momentum and I ended up wanting her to be eliminated. Apparently too, she stayed on...but I have no qualms.

Scotty - Okay. My mother likes her. 'Nuff said. To be honest, I never really liked his performances. I like his voice, yes, and I always wondered wtf is his voice that deep? But I find him irritating on stage. Not with his mike-holding, eyebrow twitching, arm-gestures and standing shenanigans. I like him better with a guitar because it minimizes those annoying things and my irritation at him. He's too boring for me. Every week I have been wishing that he be eliminated, but woe to me, he was freaking unstoppable. And he won AI. Woe to me again.



Lambert and Bowersox, now Lauren (just between her and Scotty). Why do my bets don't get to win?

I think I'm really weird. Not that I'm complaining.

But I just hope that next year's contestants would be as diverse and exciting as them, but not as ho-hum as the finale.

:)

Japanese Hoopla

I can't understand the brouhaha that people make of with what happened to Japan.

Okay. There was an earthquake. And that is natural because Japan is in the Pacific Ring of Fire. Okay. There was a tsunami and it was because the epicenter of the earthquake was in the sea, so naturally, you would have a tsunami. 

Suddenly all these people seemed concerned with Japan and I can't stand it.

It's natural for Japan to have these kinds of calamities, you just need to get bored with it and thank any existing god that it didn't happen in your backyard.

What do you call it again? Yeah.

Shit happens.

End of School Year Blues

I am just blinks away from the end of the school year.

And I am fucking loving it.

 

So I renewed my contract and all, but it doesn't mean that I like the school. No, I just did that so I wouldn't have difficulties looking for another school. I don't want them asking me why I left the school for only a year, because I don't want to tell them that I freaking hate the TOO much paperwork. I need to save my neck, you see. At least if I stayed for two years, then there is the possibility that they'll think the school where I came from sucks. So, on with my 2-year stay.

I have been making my incoming absence in the lives of my students felt. Today is my last day of classes with them and most of them, well, feel relieved or sad that they wouldn't see me again given that they would have a different teacher next year.

It has been a stressful year for me. I could only count on my fingers the moments when I felt that I am happy with what I am doing. Being the natural worrier that I am doesn't help me at all either. There were days when I felt that I am not human anymore, that I am just waking up and teaching these students just for compliance and for covering the necessary unnecessary information that they need to know to be unloaded on their test papers.

Today, however, I felt that I am going to miss my students.

 

But I do not want to be stuck with them for another year, so...

Go on bastards.

Not looking forward to another school year either.

Some Serious Psychological Hatred Against Militant Activists

I have this psychological hatred against activists.

The ones who are asking that our country be socialist? Oh, I f****** hate them.
You see, if you have been in close association with them for a whole f****** year, you would really be changing your perspective, and activist-bashing wouldn't seem to be a bad idea.

Things I hate about them:

1. They go to the streets for a mobilization, then after the said mobilization, they will go straight to the mall.

Seriously people, you are battling capitalism and you will go straight to that big block of a capitalist building telling you to spend all your money on consumer goods?

2. They will tell you that education is a right.

Yes, I agree with you! Education is a f****** right, but only up to 4th year high school. Because you see, you have to f****** work for your college education. You are already in college, son, why not stop asking your parents for your tuition money?

Now I can heare some kids say, "But I am only 16!" You cannot talk about college education without talking about you being a part of the workforce. Here in our country, we get out of high school at 16, which is too young for some companies. Means that you are a kid and you cannot work, which means also that you need to be necessarily sucking off your parents' pockets for your college education. You couldn't work for your college education if you are 16 right? Companies wouldn't accept you. You need to be 18 right? So you necessarily need to fake your documents to go to work, which is a big fuck you to the government and to the company you are working at. So, why not extend basic education to 12 years? Again, again, these activists will again say that it will be again a burden to the parents who need to spend a longer time to pay money. Shit.

These activists need some consistency. If we stick to the 10 year cycle, the parents would have to pay for a longer time because their children graduated as minors, so they would have to pay until these said children are already in their 4th year college. If we do the 12 years, then the parents can choose to stop supporting the child. Why? The kid can already f****** find a job and pay for his own college education! Less burden for the parents. Also, the decision to opt or not to opt for college education would be in the hands of the child now. And this certain child will never have to blame his/her parents for making a fuss out of his/her life.

Consistency. If you activists say that education is a right, wouldn't it be giving more justice to that phrase if it is the student who will choose for his/her own education? That is why it is a right, you can choose whether or not to exercise it. You can choose whether or not to enter college. Consistency.

You say that education is a right and not a privilege. I really agree with you. But it seems to me that your concept of "right" is something that is freely given and a your concept of "privilege" is something that you need to pay for. That is just so totally f***** up. Let me tell you this: Education is both a right and a privilege. It is a right because you can choose to whether to educate yourself or not and it is a privilege because you need to f****** work for it.

Okay. I went a little off-course because of that...Now back to the topic.

3. I also could not understand their socialist-communist mania. 

I mean, you want political independence, you want self-sufficiency, you want decolonization, you want a NATIONAL IDENTITY and you run your organization with a FOREIGN IDEOLOGY? The last time I checked the history books, Marx, whom you consider as the Father of Communism and who formulated communist thought, is a GERMAN. How f***** up can you get? Consistency. Consistency. If you want to liberate this country, how about mishmashing up your OWN ideology? It worked for Russia, it worked for China, why not f***** make it work for your own goddamned country? Patriotism, people.

4. Also, they really like to be identified with the farmers and fishermen.

Not that there is something wrong with it. But you see, if you really want to understand the plight of the farmers and fishermen, live with them! Be them! You cannot fight for them if you haven't experienced planting and harvesting yourself for real! That is why I really find it ridiculous whenever I see a middle-class person parroting the cause of the farmers, because you see, I am a grandchild of a farmer, and never, never did I see anyone of from these activists help him when all of his crops died because of Typhoon Pepeng! You really cannot fight for something which you do not know. Know what you are fighting for first.

5. Same is true for the common workers, say, the jeepney drivers. Don't tag me as apathetic to their plight if I choose NOT to go to a demonstration. You see, I do not have time joining your mobilizations because I am actually busy helping my father out here! I am actually busy studying so that the money that he earns for my education wouldn't go to waste! I am sure as heaven knows that he does not expect me rallying in the streets for him when I am supposed to be in the classroom making each hard-earned cent that he gave me f***** worth it! And besides, you are causing so much traffic that his jeepney couldn't get through. And of course, if there is heavy traffic, he will be stuck and it will actually needlessly consume diesel...so while you are fighting for the rollback of the crude oil prices, you are also actually promoting the products of the oil companies because the gasoline station is where my father will buy the diesel that was needlessly wasted because you caused the heavy traffic in the first place! Who are you really fighting for? My father? Or Shell, Caltex and Petron?

5. Also, also... I really hate it whenever they tag somebody (who is not in the same league as them) as a "reactionist." F***. What the hell is that? Aren't we all reactionists? That is the reason why they became activists in the first place! They REACTED to what they think are the problems of the country. Actually, reacting is what they always do. Reacting is what they are good at. How do I know? Just look at all those protests that they stage. Sure it's exciting at first, but as time goes by, they just sound like a bunch of crybabies who want their toy back. They just become background noise that people don't even seem to notice. And what is so bad about it is that they project their "reactionism" to other people as if they are the only ones who care for the country.

6. They couldn't explain how the fuck they are going to provide the needs of the people once our country becomes socialist.

They said that they are going to provide goods for the people based on their needs. Okay. And how the fuck are they going to gauge specific people's needs? Suppose they give us 1000 cavans of rice, how will they divide it among the people? How can they be sure that it is enough? You see, people are unpredictable, so what if a certain bulky man needed more than what he needs? Will they shoot him? They sure can't because that man is a part of the workforce.

7. They can't explain how they are going to deal with a person who dares question the party thinking.

Their answer is that they party will be more important than the individual. Okay. That didn't answer my question to them at all. They said that they will try to reach a consensus. Okay. That is scary, because what if I am stubborn and I will stay put? I can't be let go by the party because I will sure cause a disruption to the system that they built because I have a different way of thinking. So I think, I think the party will have to neutralize me, that is, silence me, KILL me. Then is the time that the party will be above the individual.

You see, activists, you are not the only ones who care for this country. So stop acting like you are.

You have an issue with capitalism? Get f***** bored with it. Capitalism works for the country, let our country learn from her mistakes, let her ditch capitalism if she wants. The more and more you babble about capitalism, the more and more I think that you are just resentful towards the wealth that they have.

And another thing... Oh, this did not come from me because you know, I am not as intelligent as you are, activism is like a dick, it is fine to have one, it is fine to show it in public, but never, ever shove it right through someone's throat!

Gays in School

I do not like hypocritical homophobes.

I just want to share.

I remember one day while I was walking through a corridor, I heard one of my colleagues say to one bypassing boy:

"Gays are not allowed here..."

I snickered inwardly. How dare him tell that to a student, how dare him do a Pontius Pilate, how dare him act so righteous.

Look who's talking. He should hear himself.

And what the f*** is f****** wrong with being gay? It equates to him saying that there is something wrong with him.

Or is he envious of that student who is enjoying his blossoming gay life at such a young age?

Come on, man, have some d*** and unfurl now, it is an open secret that you are gay anyway. Why bother hide it? It is not like I'll spit at you for being true to yourself.

What I hate is your hypocrisy. Spare yourself the worries and unfurl your colorful skirt now, I'm sure you'll feel better, and you'll earn every sensible person's respect, if not love.

The Dilemma On Teacher - Student Relationships

It has always been a dilemma for me whether i will put a student under my wing or not.

Ethically speaking, I should not, for it might cause some preferential treatment for the student.
I don't know, but most stories about good teacher-student relationship are the ones in which the teacher and the student formed a bond as friends.

Unfortunately, reality will tell us that it is rather difficult, because other people might think that you have a romantic relationship.

I am rather bored with the way I teach a lesson. I am smothered by the curriculum, or by the design that my school enforces us to use in our lesson plan.

I want to teach them not just language, but also little truths in life, like, let the gays be. Teaching them respect, I think goes a long way than teaching them grammar. Taking the issue about gays as an example, I cannot tell them to respect gays and the things that they do, if the whole system in which we live in forbids us to tell anything about gays.

How am I going to teach things about life if the system itself stops us from doing so?

I really want to fit my way of thinking to my everyday lesson. But if you are in a Catholic school, injecting liberal ideas into your lesson would be rather difficult. Not with all the observations and faculty rating sheets.

So, if I cannot do it with my whole class, I will do it one student at a time.

But you see, I have another problem: taking a student under my wing would look as if I have a romantic relationship with the said student. Add to that the perception of the students. They might think that I am playing favorites.

*sighs*

It is really tricky, you see. And I only have three months to impart something on my students. Respect. Respect. Respect.

As a teacher, you would actually see the real intelligent students. No, not the bright students, because the bright students aren't necessarily good thinkers. So I have this certain student, and I really want this student to be taken under my wing. This student doesn't answer the knowledge and comprehension questions during class discussions, rather this student dominates the discussion whenever I ask the higher-level thinking questions. You might not find this overwhelming, but when you are stuck in a classroom with brilliant but passive students, a student who actually thinks through your question and answer you will make any teacher's day.

I want to have a day with that class wherein they are just giving their ideas, contradicting each other, synthesizing each other's ideas and coming to respect each other's opinions.

How I wish these students of mine are more communicative.

And how I wish I would have that day, wherein they are really thinking intellectually, not to please me, but to please themselves and their thirst for not knowledge, but for learning.