The Shackles Of Our Mind

Written while attending a boring seminar.


I have always believed that this institution, instead of cultivating a culture of excellence, is actually propagating a culture of mediocrity.

This started with a statement from one of my colleagues. She was recalling her experiences to me as a newbie teacher in our school. She was one of the stars of her batch. She was usually given tasks such as conducting basic grammar lectures to the faculty, writing scripts for emcees, to being an emcee herself.  It was also during this time when another of her colleagues told her not to bring too much attention to herself because other members of the faculty might always tell her to do her usual extra work. Why? Aside from the fact that these extra work is unpaid, people will always be dependent on her, asking her to do favors, so in the process, becomes a hindrance to what her real job is, teaching. This is the reason why only a few teachers in our department want to show their talents.

This, I think, should not be the case. Yes, the school gives the faculty opportunities, but not everybody wants it. It's because even if they depend on these talented people, deep down, they resent that quality, they resent the achievement that the person has, and that they are just waiting for that person to make the tiniest of mistakes so they can ravish that person together. Bringing him or her down. Suddenly, being talented is a sin here. So the person, not wanting to incur the sneers of her colleagues, clam up.

You don't see me. XD

We are always told to deliver, but we are not given the supportive environment for us to really grow. Our colleagues would depend on us, but we would always have this feeling that they will be the first ones who will step on us the moment we slip.

It is rather stunting. The negative energy of the academic community stifles the growth of the teachers. And it is hypocritical of ourselves to force our students to be the best when we ourselves stunt each other's talents and scoff.

This is sad. I believe that a school will never be a cradle of critical thinking and excellence if the teachers themselves are not allowed to explore and celebrate their beliefs and ideas.

Administrators are Prudish People

With all the hoopla that was UbD, I was most enlightened by the seminar my school had days ago. It made me realize that UbD is actually very simple, lesson planning-wise and execution-wise. But apparently, its the administrators who are pulling us down. 

Pulling us into the pits of academic insanity.

We teachers (who have been cheated so many times already), agreed to the speaker when she said that UbD is supposed to be simpler. We filled our auditorium with the sound of our agreement and relief. 

We're close to hysterics, actually. *sigh*

But you know, administrators took it as a voice of dissent. Well, yes, it was a voice of dissent not only of probationary teachers but also of our more seasoned teachers. So, it didn't come as a surprise when our area head (and I love her) told us that the higher-ups of the institution took offense. And I say, they really should take offense and responsibility, because if we didn't have that seminar, then we wouldn't know that we are bullshitting ourselves, and that it could have been easier if they invited the freaking speaker earlier last year.

BOOOOOOOOOOO!

That seminar caused confusion. Are we going to push on with our plans? Are we going to use the plans from last year? But the topics for this year are different! Are we going to edit it? But I'm through! And the list goes on. 

These administrators shouldn't take offense if we teachers are airing their discontent, it shows their incompetence all the more. This confusion was their fault in the first place. If they have that seminar earlier on, then we wouldn't write trash lesson plans all in the name of compliance. They told us to submit our plans in the middle of the month, and then suddenly they will invite a speaker who would point out our mistakes and then they would tell us to rewrite our lesson plans? Fuck them all. Let them write the plans themselves. And it doesn't help that they gave us a more complicated template. 

We're not sado-masochists, people. So why make it so complicated?

What these administrators do not realize is that, at the end of the day, it is the teachers who would bear the burden of it all. If you go inside a classroom with a faulty plan, then you'll have a faulty class, observation, class performance, grades, and faulty national achievement test results. And when you have these faulty things, of course, they put the blame on the teachers who are just basically following directives from the higher-ups (who fucked up the whole thing in the first place). 

So, these administrators do not have the right to bitch about us bitching about how we hate the current situation. They run a private school and they have the f*****g power to adjust the FAPE format or reject the format altogether just because they can and it can be more beneficial to the teachers. But hell no, they made us do it without realizing that it is not what the proponents of UbD envisioned. And now that they are garnering the teachers' wrath, they get back to us? That's the problem with following uncritically. Shows their level of incompetence actually.

As for the lesson plans itself, it has been decided that whatever we have finished  will be left as it is and that the proper format (of EU and EQ) must already be followed in the two final quarters. But what I am bitter about is that these administrators stuck with the FAPE format. I mean, I consider that format to be a format of some humbug trying to be more significant than the proponents themselves. Why can't they accept that that format is so f****** wrong? Oh well, they don't want to admit that they're wrong so, might as well stick with it, yeah? Christ Jesus.

Teaching is good, innovation is good, and change is good, but if you are doing it the wrong way, might as well don't do it at all.

I Am Understanding by Design

This year, our school is going to embark on a journey called "UbD" or Understanding by Design. This thing has been around in a while in America, but here in my country, it was implemented last year in the public schools. But since I am in a private school, it is only now that we are catching up with this UbD fever.

I already heard this UbD when I was still a practicumer in college 2 years ago, and I always thought that it is a sort of planning the lesson but you think of the assessment first. Well, to be frank, I always thought that it's only a different way of writing lesson plans.

I'm as skeptical as skeptical goes.

So here is my school catching up the fever because the Department of Education directed that the schools follow this UbD way of thinking. But it comes with a price, you see. We the members of the faculty feel very cheated of our vacation because we need to spend it doing the UbD templates. And it is such a pain on the ass considering that we need to prepare those lesson plans and we need to implement it already this coming school year. I have always thought that curriculum planning takes years, and lesson planning takes time. But making the teachers rush their lesson plans for compliance is doing the teachers (and students) injustice. If the plan is faulty, then I'm very sure that the execution would also be faulty since the teacher doesn't know what the hell she is doing. And in the long run, the students would just become guinea pigs. Basically, we are doing the lesson plans in the dark. We are just hoping that even if the plan sucks, we would be able to pull off the execution right.

My students and I are all guinea pigs.

Yes, there have been seminars, but most of it didn't really help us at all. If it did, it only caused confusion and resentment among the faculty and the administration. We have this certain seminar in the school a couple of days ago, and we invited a speaker from a publishing house to help us tresh out this confusion. Turns out, this speaker have also attended UbD seminars in America with no less than the proponents of UbD themselves. And it was most enlightening, not only did we see the things that we are doing wrong (thanks to the lesson plan critiquing), but it also made us realize that crafting UbD templates and executing it is really just simple. And that simplicity made all the difference.

According to her, all lesson are done with A-Acquisition, M-Meaning-making and T-Transfer. Now, what puzzles me is that if I am going to look at a sample UbD learning guide, it only consists of the days and the things that you are going to do in those days.

Example:

Nutrition (Grade 6) Duration: 2 weeks

Day 1: Begin with an entry question (Can the foods you eat cause pimples?) to hook students into considering the effects of nutrition in their lives. (Making meaning)
Introduce key vocabulary terms and discuss relevant selections from the textbook. (Acquisition)

Day 2: Quiz on key vocabulary terms and selections from the book
Day 3: Students work independently to develop a three-day camp menu for younger children and offer them ideas for breaking bad eating habits


And so on and so forth. The speaker told us that that is the original UbD template. And we were like, "What the f**k?" because what we are doing with our templates is, if we are going to follow this thing strictly, wrong. What we did with our templates is this.

I.    Introduction
II.    Interaction
III.    Integration
IV.    Closure
V. Agreement

And I was like...are we a bunch of sado-masochists here? So I figured this was the f***ing reason why we are having a very hard time devicing our learning plans. We are deliberately making our lives harder. It got me thinking, where in the world did our administrators get their template? They said that it was from FAPE (Fund for Assistance to Private Education), and the speaker admitted that the FAPE template is actually more complicated than the original UbD template. I felt cheated. If we have an easier template, why did they opt to choose the more complicated route? One of my colleagues said that the FAPE template is designed for Catholic schools, but what makes the template so Catholic? What makes it more effective than the original? So we felt all the more cheated by our administrators, why is it that they only scheduled the seminar now? Why only now that some of us (myself included) are already through with our learning plans? They have the whole freaking school year last year to invite that speaker. And now, they only caused confusion among us, and resentment towards our admins.

We're this close to confronting the higher - ups.

 Like our speaker said, "UbD entails us enjoying life, simplifying life," but in my school, it is surely not the case.

Grades Are One Annoying Part of Education

I am the type of person who doesn't give a f*** about what someone does, so when other teachers are questioning my classroom management techniques as a way of getting me in trouble, I get angry. It's not like I am the one who vandalized the walls, disturbed classes, howled and horsed along the corridor ad infinitum. Sure, I can give these students some slack, you know, because they are immature and are discovering themselves, but these students are 14-16 years olds they know and can actually do what is right. Like, I don't know, studying? You figure.

So, after all the brouhaha that was the student who was retained, another co-worker approached me and pressured me into giving the student a passing grade. And I was annoyed for the whole afternoon.

I have always believed that if you question a teacher's way of giving grades is tantamount to questioning the teacher's ability as a whole. Add to that the fact that if you are a new teacher, chances are you will always be the one who will be getting this pressure. It's not like I didn't do everything that I can in my power to help the student out. Because, you know, if the student doesn't want the encouragement, then you are not supposed to shove that encouragement through his throat like a penis. And you are not supposed to take the crap because of that. So what if the other teachers are tenured? Am I not a teacher too? Does me being on a contract make me less of a teacher? I don't think so.

Luckily, the topic was dropped. But I was hoping that this pressure on all sides will be escalated, and luckily again, that didn't happen. Because you know, I will still stand by my computation.

Lesser Teacher

I fiercely disagree that those who are literate cannot be numerate and vice versa. I believe otherwise, as literacy is concrete and numeracy is abstract. Ergo, if you are good in the concrete then it means that you are also good in abstraction.

Yes, the school year has ended, but my experience for this year has only given me enough material to bitch about come vacation. And this is that time.

We deliberated on whether certain students will pass or fail certain subjects or be a retainer. Well. I have two students who will take summer classes.

Here in my place, English, Science, and Math are the three major subjects. I have always believed that if you failed English, then you got to be the most lazy-ass person in the pack, because, you know, out of these three major subjects, English is essentially the easiest. And to top it all off, English teachers here in my school actually do all of the interventions and remedies that could be made just for the students to pass a subject. Like, giving the student a retake of a quiz if he failed it, or making a student write an essay in place of a research paper he didn't submit. Or again, to a greater extent, "adjusting" the grade of the student, if you know what I mean.

That is why I have a hard time passing this certain student. I already gave all the intervention that could be given, gave him the talk, talked to his mother, gave some more remediation and voila! Still, he failed the subject. It even came to the point that I told the mother that his son is bound to fail. With a three consecutive failing grades on his report card, he goddamned needed to have an a satisfactory grade for the last quarter to have a passing average so he could avoid having summer classes and seeing my face again. So, with much reflection and determination on my part that I will defend the grade that I was able to calculate, I gave him the red mark.

Come deliberation day, and this student actually failed Math, Science and English. So my colleagues properly concluded that this student was bound to repeat the whole curriculum. Now, I think I already made it clear before in my earlier posts that this school babysits students when it comes to grades, so one of us (me, the Math teacher and the Science teacher) were expected to give way and give the student a passing grade in his/her subject so that the student, instead of being retained, would just have summer class.

It turns out that this school has always been expecting the English teacher to give way.

But it also turns out that they hired a teacher who's not up to expectations.

I know they know the grading system of my subject, but I still gave them a detailed breakdown of the student's grade. And added the fact that I gave the student necessary remedies so he can pull his grades up, but to no avail (the reason for these remedies thing is for me to justify the student's grade in situations like these. It serves as a proof that sometimes, a few students are some serious slack-offs). Of course, the Math and Science teachers are tenured teachers and I know that everybody in the conference already knew that nobody will back-off.

Before the verdict was given, the homeroom adviser was asked about the students' character. Well, he did a pretty neat job of saving him through glossing over the character of the student. But it didn't just cut it. Not when the student does not have enough character to invest in his future and study.

So, the student was retained.

And it makes so much sense.

Here, all of the subjects are taught in English (except for Social Studies and National Language), Science and Math included. So, it follows that if you have troubles listening, reading, speaking or writing in English, then you will have a more difficult time in the content areas and vice versa.

So I really do not see the reason why there are some people who actually expect English teachers to give way. Is it lack of respect for the subject? For the language? Is it a blatant abuse of the generosity of the teachers themselves who let themselves (and their computations) be questioned?

That is another story.

I Don't Like Observations

I wasn't able to post anything since last week.
But I am not like other bloggers who make alibis as to why they were dry for a period.

I really do not believe formal observations. I am a very big fan of it, because what you would do is to just bullshit the person who is doing the observation in class. Also, the students know that you are also bullshitting them, for they know what you really are in ordinary days.
I will be observed in my best class, but thankfully, that class has the most passive students. But I trust them, what I do not trust is myself. The topic that I am going to discuss is research and god help me with that topic because of course, the students do not know anything about it. And how am I supposed to include religion content in research? I am stressed out just by thinking about it, and to think that it would still be next week. Still, I am stressed out of my wits. I can deliver any topic, but research? Fuck, that's the first time I'll teach it. And I am going to teach it first thing in the morning. How, unfortunate can that be? Just pure shit.
.
It's not like my salary will increase if I did it well. It turned out good the last time I did it, but I am not in anyway enthusiastic about it right now.
I don't like the idea of other people nosing around my classroom and commenting on how I teach. It helps me in some ways, as it makes me see the things that I am doing incorrectly, but for me, observation is like an implicit way of saying to the teacher that you do not trust him/her, why hire the teacher in the first place?

What stresses me the most is including religion content bullshit in my lesson. Seriously, it bores the students to death. I just hate shoving religion down my students' throats, I was able to do it before, but I do not want to repeat it, especially when I am very ambivalent when it comes to religion. Especially Catholicism.

Anyway, it's already there. I just have to get bored with it.

School Sucks!

It is so uncool from stopping teachers to be cool.

For the longest time ever, there haven't been any model for a modern teacher. Whenever we hear the word "teacher", what we see is the figure of a spinster with her hair in a bun, wearing half-moon spectacles, and that smug and uppity posture that surely irritates me.

No wonder students viewed teachers and the time spent on school as S-even C-rappy H-ours O-f O-ur L-ives. S.C.H.O.O.L.

Don't worry, kids, the feeling is mutual.

Who wants to spend time standing in front of 50+ students who are not listening to you?
Who wants to spend time checking test papers?
Who wants to spend time crafting lesson plans?
Who wants to spend time dealing with parents who do care about grades but do not care about how much their child has learned and then shout at the teacher?
Who wants to spend time dealing with the principal?
Who wants to spend their entire f****** lifetime thinking of other people? In this case, kids?

Unfortunately, that's my job.

You see, kids, I want you to imagine that 8 hours we spend on teaching.  I could have written a book or read a whole book with that time, f***, I could have even taught my own brother!
So, do not go on strutting your asses on our noses telling us that school sucks, because well, you don't need to tell us that, because you see, you came in school and suddenly school sucked.

But what I hate so much is stopping us from rocking the roll...

I have a colleague, who with other colleagues, have been asked to perform in front of the students. Sure, that colleague of mine rocked the house singing in the tune of songs the kids adored. But to our dismay, days after the performance, one of our older colleagues said that yes, some might have appreciated his performance, but some might not. And you see, there is no particular reason for that depreciation.

Were they scandalized? It's not like my colleague did a strip show.

Are they worried that the reputation of my colleague might have gotten down? I don't think so, kids are always proud of a teacher who literally rocks their world.

It's the stuff of their wet dreams, actually.

If these other colleagues of ours are so bent on protecting our reputation, it's actually surprising that they hired us in the first place. No. Scratch that. If they are so bent on protecting the kids from teachers who rock, it's actually surprising that they built a school in the first place.

*sigh*

Stopping the teachers from being cool is so uncool. Remember that.

Gays in School

I do not like hypocritical homophobes.

I just want to share.

I remember one day while I was walking through a corridor, I heard one of my colleagues say to one bypassing boy:

"Gays are not allowed here..."

I snickered inwardly. How dare him tell that to a student, how dare him do a Pontius Pilate, how dare him act so righteous.

Look who's talking. He should hear himself.

And what the f*** is f****** wrong with being gay? It equates to him saying that there is something wrong with him.

Or is he envious of that student who is enjoying his blossoming gay life at such a young age?

Come on, man, have some d*** and unfurl now, it is an open secret that you are gay anyway. Why bother hide it? It is not like I'll spit at you for being true to yourself.

What I hate is your hypocrisy. Spare yourself the worries and unfurl your colorful skirt now, I'm sure you'll feel better, and you'll earn every sensible person's respect, if not love.

The Dilemma On Teacher - Student Relationships

It has always been a dilemma for me whether i will put a student under my wing or not.

Ethically speaking, I should not, for it might cause some preferential treatment for the student.
I don't know, but most stories about good teacher-student relationship are the ones in which the teacher and the student formed a bond as friends.

Unfortunately, reality will tell us that it is rather difficult, because other people might think that you have a romantic relationship.

I am rather bored with the way I teach a lesson. I am smothered by the curriculum, or by the design that my school enforces us to use in our lesson plan.

I want to teach them not just language, but also little truths in life, like, let the gays be. Teaching them respect, I think goes a long way than teaching them grammar. Taking the issue about gays as an example, I cannot tell them to respect gays and the things that they do, if the whole system in which we live in forbids us to tell anything about gays.

How am I going to teach things about life if the system itself stops us from doing so?

I really want to fit my way of thinking to my everyday lesson. But if you are in a Catholic school, injecting liberal ideas into your lesson would be rather difficult. Not with all the observations and faculty rating sheets.

So, if I cannot do it with my whole class, I will do it one student at a time.

But you see, I have another problem: taking a student under my wing would look as if I have a romantic relationship with the said student. Add to that the perception of the students. They might think that I am playing favorites.

*sighs*

It is really tricky, you see. And I only have three months to impart something on my students. Respect. Respect. Respect.

As a teacher, you would actually see the real intelligent students. No, not the bright students, because the bright students aren't necessarily good thinkers. So I have this certain student, and I really want this student to be taken under my wing. This student doesn't answer the knowledge and comprehension questions during class discussions, rather this student dominates the discussion whenever I ask the higher-level thinking questions. You might not find this overwhelming, but when you are stuck in a classroom with brilliant but passive students, a student who actually thinks through your question and answer you will make any teacher's day.

I want to have a day with that class wherein they are just giving their ideas, contradicting each other, synthesizing each other's ideas and coming to respect each other's opinions.

How I wish these students of mine are more communicative.

And how I wish I would have that day, wherein they are really thinking intellectually, not to please me, but to please themselves and their thirst for not knowledge, but for learning.