Follow the blog, Beauty in Solitude: The Darkness Within and Without

This is my first time to promote another blog, so to those of you who are poetry fanatics or just want to follow blogs with a similar format as with the politeobserver, then follow Ilse's blog, Beauty in Solitude: The Darkness Within and Without.  The new blog has just opened, and is now currently looking for audience for her poetry. Deep, dark and twisted as it goes. :) 

Confused to No End

Why do I still like you? I am not supposed to like you anymore. My colleague already told me that you are gay. But still, I’m infatuated (I don’t want to say in love, because I’m not even sure if this is love I am actually feeling) with that nose, with those eyes and with that air of confidence. I already feel sick in the stomach as I type this. But what can I do? I miss you sending me messages and liking my posts in Facebook. I think that in a way, subconsciously or not, you already know that I am falling. And in a way, it’s good. It’s good too that you will already be transferred to another year level, at least, I would be able to concentrate fully in my work next school year. I would forget. But of course, you will be missed and I am sure I wouldn’t be the only one missing you in the faculty room. I would miss your morning bantering with other faculty members. But it’s for the better. It’s for my neck.

I think I got sloppy. I got close. Maybe I liked the idea of me being infatuated with you. I know subconsciously that sooner or later, I would actually fall. And I just shoved it at the back of my mind, but still, that subconscious was yelling and shouting and moving in spasms. Until I did.

And I actually feel very happy that it was later. Or else, I would’ve made a fool of myself.

So there, I was actually already accepting the fact that maybe, just maybe, I might have already fallen for you. However, with what I have learned from my friend, I got all the more confused. It’s already confusing for me having this feeling for you, seeing that we’re getting closer. But then, if what my friend said was true, then what would be the use of me falling? So I am here left with the feeling of getting my willpower to stop myself from falling. Only the question is, how do you stop yourself from falling when you have already fallen?

This hurts.

I will sleep this through.

But I am still confused.